I haven't written in forever. Well, I haven't really had much time. Well, I'm waiting on my parents to get home. They're taking me out to dinner for my birthday.

My mom brought a gift downstairs for me this morning that she had kept in her closet right next to where we keep the toilet paper, so I saw it a few weeks ago and knew it was for me. So when I opened it this morning I acted all surprised and I was like oh, I really like this and my mother was like you already saw it didn't you, and I was like yeah. Okay, so maybe one of those be there things but it was pretty funny.

My lit teacher wants us to do this thing for Turner South. It's an essay contest on the south and there's money prizes and a dinner for the finalists and supposedly it looks really good on a college resume, so I think I'll probably do it.

I was talking with my friends at lunch today and I asked as a conversation topic which 5 celebrities each of us would sleep with if given the oppurtunity. Well, no one would give the list except for me and Santiago (which was really weird. It's hard to think of him actually wanting to do anything with a woman. Not that I think he's gay...he just seems...asexual) Any way, here's my list:

1. Josh Turner

2. Viggo Mortensi

3. Gerard Butler

4. Matt Le Blanc

5. Matthew Perry

I haven't had a chance to write in a while, and while I have a lot to say, I don't have nearly the time I need to say it, so I just wanted to put one thing.

Amazing God moment today: I'm awful about tithing. I don't have a steady job, so whatever money I make off of sporadic baby-sitting jobs is MINE!! So I've been all stressed out about the holidays-I was totally broke, having to still buy a few more gifts plus things for my sixth grade girls, shampoo and conditioner and a haircut with only $20 a week to do it with. So anyway, everyone in my family who tithes talks about how much easier their financial situation is with giving 10% of what they make to the church. Any time I've tried to set money aside, I always end up freaking out about how short I am on cash and end up keeping the money. Anyway, so I had a baby-sitting job yesterday and today and made $100 and made myself set aside $10 and promised myself to put it in the offering bucket at the Christmas Eve service at my church no matter how short I ended up being on cash. Not half an hour later, my small group leader called to see if I could babysit tonight for 4 hours. How amazing is God??!!

I think I've got everything figured out: and I don't like the conclusion I've come to.

I figure that when Santiago read the email, he either overlooked the "as a date" part, or just thought I was kidding or something. He saw the whole thing as just a casual friend thing and didn't pick up on my huge hint that I like him. He thought I just wanted a guy to go with me, any guy, and he was the one I ended up asking.

Or...just like he overlooked the Decmeber 1st part, he overlooked the "as a date" part, so he never even saw it, which means he still doesn't get that I like him.

Either way, that throws out everything I was wondering about if he was into me too, if he didn't want to hurt my feelings, or if he was just willing to give anyone a chance. It's none of those. He never picked up on the me being into him thing and saw the whole thing as a casual friend thing with nothing more coming from either side. Which is frustrating. I wanted him to know that I liked him, but I wanted the time and place to be perfect and I wanted him to find out from me. The placing could have been better, but the timing was perfect and he would have found out from me had he actually found out. Two out of three isn't bad. I took a chance and put myself out there and he didn't get it. He's so oblivious.

Okay, so I asked Santiago yesterday if he could go to the Christmas party on Thursday and he said his mother kept telling him to wait and see. So then today at lunch he told me his mother said he could go next Thursday, and I was like, "It's this Thursday." And his eyes got all wide and he was like, "Are you serious? I have to go to a birthday party on Thursday." Yeah, so he isn't going...which is pretty dissapointing. But it was so weird having that conversation today because so far we've only talked about it over email and texting, so, I don't know, it was just kinda weird.

So anyway, I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure everything out. Like for example: when he said he wanted to go, I don't know if that's because he's also interested in me, if he didn't want to hurt my feelings, or if he'll just give anyone a chance. And in the email I sent I made a poin to include, "as a date," just so there wouldn't be any confusion. But I'm still not sure if he gets that I like him. I don't have any problem with him knowing. In fact, I want him to know... but I want to know if he knows!!

So I'm going insane. I want everything to be cleared up, ut I don't want to instigate that conversation. Gosh, guys are so complicated.